Seeing Our Children

Last weekend I had the sweet privilege of speaking at Bay Leaf Baptist Church's Spring Tea.  It is a wonderful church tradition that brings together women of all ages - 6 years old and up - to celebrate the women in our lives.  I have spoken or taught at about 30 classes, workshops, and women's events this year, but this one will stand to me for two sweet reasons....  Sarah and Emily.

It was the first time them have seen me speak (although as Sarah pointed out, I speak everyday to her).  I wasn't speaking on my normal topic of spiritual parenting, but instead had the opportunity to speak about three women who have revealed God to me this year through the lives they live.  The first woman I spoke about was my grandmother's 91-year-old friend.  (I will share her story in another post.)  The second woman I spoke about was Sarah. The third was Emily.  I wish I could tell you what their faces looked like when I shared the amazing ways they are allowing God to uniquely use each of their lives - but I can't, because I couldn't look at them, because I was trying REALLY hard not to blubber.  Blubbering into a mic is really unattractive.

It was such a blessing to the girls and I to have a moment to say, "I see you."  Often in our negative, sarcastic Facebook society it is cooler and easier to make a dig at your children to get a laugh or 32 likes on your posting, than it is to celebrate your child.   Celebrating who our kids are, and especially the way God is moving in their lives, is critical to building up confident kids who believe in themselves and the role they have as redeemed children of God.

It is tough being 11.  Sarah is too tall.  She has acne.  She now wears a torso brace.  Girls are mean to her at school.  But...  I see a girl who is passionate about righting wrongs, who is hilarious, who loves her family, whose mind is a big old sponge. I see God on the move through her in mighty ways.

It can be tough to be Sarah's little sister.  Sarah is in the newspaper.  She gets to do all sorts of bigger kid things.  Emily is my baby, but she needs to hear that I see her growing up.  I see her immense compassion. I see her love for her friends and family. I see the way she finds small, sweet, consistent ways to bless everyone around her.  I see God's love in her and it makes me a better person.  

It is rare that one gets given a stage and mic to speak about your kids in front of 150 others, but I don't think that is what our kids need (I think I nearly killed Sarah from embarrassment). Our kids just need us to take five minutes at the end of the week when the world, and recess, and final exams have beaten them up, to take their sweet faces in our hands, look them in the eye and tell them..

  "I see you, and you are incredible." 

Just 18 Summers - or actually only 7

A new book by authors Renee Gutteridge and Michelle Cox releases this month with the heart wrenching title,  Just 18 Summers.   The book description asks,

"With just eighteen summers before their children are grown, how do they make the most of that time when life so often gets in the way?"  

Can you relate?  We have three weeks left in the school year.  How did that happen!  Three weeks left of Emily wearing a her little plaid jumper before she graduates to a skirt and shirt next year.  Three weeks left before Sarah is called a "middle schooler."  Three weeks left before Daisy returns home to China.  Summer is coming... fast.  When I heard about this new book, just the title clenched my heart.  Eighteen summers is not a lot.  Seven is even less (that's what we have with Sarah).  Some people may joke about counting down till they are free of their kids, but I don't, because you know what ... I really like my kids.  I like the people they are, and the life we have under this roof together.  I see the time slipping fast compared to what I hope to experience with them and to teach them.  

And then there is life... getting in the way... a job.. a speaking ministry... bills... laundry... dishes... the pull that maybe I need to get a second job ... and I get so frustrated... because I don't want to miss my kids' childhood.  I can't make the laundry, or the bills go away.  I can't make time stop or go back to this summer...

Or to this one  ...

I just have this one summer sitting before me, ready to arrive.  I know that unless I make some conscience choices, just like this school year, it will be gone in a blink, and I will regret what I wasted.  I don't have a perfect plan of how to make memories that matter this summer... I am still going to work ... but I have settled on a few things ...

1.  We are turning the TV off from Memorial Day to Labor Day.  We have done this in the past, and we don't miss anything.

2. I need to get my cell phone use under control.  My kids see way too much of the top of my head while I live under the lie that something world changing is unfolding on Facebook, or that I need to reply to every email within 6 1/2 minutes.

3.  I am not signing my kids up for any more camps.  They each have two weeks planned, and they don't need anymore.  They are as tired as I am, they don't need 8-10 hours of planned activities a day all summer.  (and I am going to stop feeling guilty that we cannot send them to $250-a-week camps all summer.)  

4.  Adventure Days:  I have blocked off five Thursdays over the summer as Adventure Days.  The girls and I are going to get in the car and go do something.  Or maybe we will go out in the yard and do something.  I shared this idea with them the other day and asked them what they would want to do. I was thinking beach, canoeing at the lake, going to a museum.   They didn't ask for big exciting things - Emily asked if I would go play at the back of our property with her.  (Folks we only live on 2 acres! That's a pretty sad statement on how much time I spend out there).  Sarah asked if we could take the dog to the park across the street - yep across the street - because in the 16 months of living here we've never gone.  I think it is time.  

I'd love to hear your ideas.  How will you make this summer matter to your family?  How will you take the time to make great memories, and grow in your relationships with one another?  

Restoring My Faith in Youth Sports - New Life Camp

Last night Sarah played the first game in her end-of-season basketball tournament at New Life Camp.  You can probably draw a mental picture of how last night went.  Fierce competition, pushy obnoxious parents, yelling coaches - and at the end of the game - half the kids disappointed.  That's the way kids sports go today right?  That's what you have to put up with to have your child involved in team sports.

I've been okay with that scenario.  When Sarah was 4 (yes 4) I signed her up to play soccer in a competitive league.  Parents on the opposing team once asked for Sarah's birth certificate to see if we had planted an older kid on the team to win.  (She's a tall one!).  I screamed and yelled at my budding soccer player.  I assumed we would join a travel team by 8, elite team by 10, all in the hopes of trying to help her become ... well I didn't know what we were trying to help her become, but isn't that what everyone does?

In the last 18 months I've learned that's actually not what everyone does.  It's not what New Life does. You see New Life is different.  It's not a place where kids get to play on a team because of their parent's ability to pay an enormous registration fee  - many kids pay nothing.  Our team has three players whose families are refugees. New Life's not a place you get to play based on your skill level. Last year, when Sarah played for the first time, she might have been the worst player in the league at the skill assessment day.  She played anyway - the same amount of time as anyone else, and now she is one of the best kids in the league, and she still plays the same amount of time as anyone else.   New Life's not a place parents have to sacrifice their families on the alter of a child's athletic pursuits.  There's one practice and one game a week.  It's enough - they are children.

New Life's also not a place of cut throat coaches trying to win at all costs. Our coaches are three dads, and they love their team.  All the coaches do.  They are committed to coaching character as much as athletics.  Last Saturday I watched a coach call a time out when one of his players intentionally fouled another player.  The coach called over the young man and spoke with him.  The player went immediately to the one he had fouled, apologized, and shook his hand.  I was so proud of both of those young players!  They are being coached, on both sides, on how to be men.  How awesome!

But... I'm supposed to be telling you about last night.  Last night my faith was restored in youth sports.  My hope was increased that we have a great generation rising up.  Last night my momma heart nearly burst with pride.  Sarah's team has won every game this season - by a lot.  Last night they were playing the lowest ranked team.  By halftime they were up by about 25 points.  The two teams' coaches met quickly at half time and the other team's coaches shared that one of their players had not scored all season.  They hoped she could get a chance.  Sarah's coaches (one who is my awesome husband) shared this with our team.  The second half went by and this sweet little girl (she was the smallest on both teams by several inches) did not get a chance to score.  In the last 10 seconds of the game, the other team had the ball, they shot, and missed.  Sarah got the rebound and she passed the ball to the girl on the OTHER team. In the last 10 seconds of a tournament game, the tallest girl in the league got a rebound to pass to the shortest girl in the league, so that she could get her chance - and the parents on both sides held our breath because every one of us wanted her to make it.  That's New Life.

Our family is blessed to see this different way to do youth sports.  If you live in North Raleigh, I encourage you to check them out.  No matter where you live, I encourage you to ask yourself what are you hoping your child's sports team will do for them?  What are sports helping your child become?   I now know what I am trying to help my daughter become through her sports involvement - a healthy yet balanced woman, a competitive yet compassionate person,  and a whole hearted follower of Christ.  And as a bonus, I hope she has a great time, being a kid, playing a sport she loves.