Choosing Friendship

Our house is a buzz today with a vacuuming and dusting and some baking.  The Aunties are coming!  The Aunties are coming!  I love that my girls are as excited as I am that four of my college roommates – will be arriving in the next few days.  (We will miss you Jenn!)  Pete’s graciously taking them out of town so that Girls Weekend 2012 can take place at our house.  (Thank you Pete!)

 

1997-Jenn, me, Fara, Heidi, Manya and Caroline

Each year I marvel that I get to be part these girls …

... who for 19 years have kept a beautiful friendship alive.

I marvel at the blessing of calling them sisters.

 I count it as one of God’s great provisions in my life. 

I meet a lot of women who are amazed that I still have college friends.  I meet a lot of women who admit to not having any close friends.  I feel their sadness.  I can’t imagine what my life would look like without these ladies.   When women lament about not having long-time friends, I hear defeatism in their voices, as if it is too late to make deep friendships at 30, or 40, or 60. 

This defeatism is a lie.  Friendships are not the product of time, they are the product of choices.

 The choice made in each e-mail, each call, each time we forgive, each visit, each sacrifice, each Girls’ Weekend.  I am perpetually in awe that I have a group of women who make these choices for me.  Life is busy, and hard, and for our group distant – we lived together for 4 years and have lived now in different states and countries for 15 years.  I do not take these ladies for granted, because I know friendships only last as long as people continue to make these choices.

I have to wonder if those questioning women do not have friends because of their choices.  Choices not to call? Choices not to forgive? Choices not to visit? Choices not to make the time?  Choices not to be vulnerable enough to start a true friendship in the first place?  I do not say this out of coldness, or judgement. I say it out of a deep belief that there is a lot to be gained, or a lot to be missed, as a result of our daily choices.

So, if you are reading this today and count yourself blessed enough to have a friend, I hope you’ll chose:

·         to call her

·         to meet for coffee if you live nearby

·         to plan a girl’s weekend

·         to send her a card

·         to forgive her if you need to

·         to pray for her

If you read this and know you need a friend, you can start by :

·         inviting a neighbor over for dinner

·         starting a book club

·         bringing  someone a meal

·         inviting someone to walk or bike together weekly

·         calling a friend you have let slip away.

·         Praying for God to show you which people to invest in. 

One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is living an example of friendship for them.  With TV full of mean girls, and life full of “busy”, our kids can learn so much about how to be a friend by watching their moms and dads with their own friends.  I pray that one day my girls will know the blessing of hearing their own kids singing out, “The Aunties are coming! The Aunties are coming!

Is God The Joker?

In the wake of last week’s Aurora shootings, we have all been inundated with the stories of horrors and miracles.  On Friday morning I scanned the news headlines and while saddened and confused by the news coming out of Denver, I have to say I read them in haste, busy with my own day.  It was not until later when I checked my phone.   The screen was full of missed calls and texts from friends back in Denver.

Petra Anderson was shot – call me
Kim’s daughter shot in the head – PRAY! 
Call me when you get this!!!

In the days since the shooting, Petra’s story has become a well-known one around the world.  For we know now, Petra was born with an unseen defect made just for Friday morning.  She had a secret passage way for a bullet to pass through her brain, leaving it intact.  Her life was spared.  The world-wide community of believers has cried out “God is good!”  And we believe it to our core.  God is Good. 

But those standing on the sidelines of faith have shouted back,

What? You must be kidding. A six year old is dead and her mother is paralyzed.  Mothers and fathers and widows are mourning, and your God is supposedly good? 

Their awe has turned to anger.

Our pastor back in Denver wrote a beautiful blog post yesterday.  While the posting was uplifting, many of the comments were challenging and raw. 

One reader named TJ challenges:

Why were all those other people who were KILLED not saved by God, including a 6-year-old girl? I guess he likes to play favorites… I guess God is the Joker.

Those last six words are so full of hurt, fear, and anger, that you can palpably feel it.  Is God the Joker?  It's a good question.  From the sidelines of faith it's easy to answer yes.  In situations like this we are faced with our limited understanding of our own world, and frankly we don’t like it very much.  We want desperately to understand.  We want to know the rules that the world spins by so hopefully we can have some sort of control.  There is a leap in the theological debate that says:

 If God is good, the world would be good, but the world is not good, so God cannot be good.

It is easy to see how the conclusion is drawn:

 God is not good, so I don’t want this God.

I hear in TJ’s painful comment that perhaps he feels that if God likes to play favorites, TJ would prefer not to play with him.  Perhaps in TJ’s life he has not felt that God has favored him.  It is a common experience.  Burden upon burden upon burden seem to fall in some people’s lives.  It is easy to see how life’s pain hardens into the belief:

God plays favorites, blessing some people, but He didn’t pick me to favor, so I won’t pick Him to follow. 

I believe this thinking comes from being followers of the American Dream and students of the American Media.  You see the American Dream has led us to believe that life should go well for us.  That we deserve to prosper financially, live happily, and die at an old age.  The American Media shows us stories of the crooked that prosper and the good that fall on hard times.  They start their programs with five minutes of horror stories and flippantly end the broadcast with a miracle.  A happy little story to leave us feeling good, where the people say, “God has been so good.” 

If you take a minute to see this from the perspective of the TJ’ s of the world,  it’s pretty easy to understand his belief system.  He and millions of other Americans have been left mistakenly thinking that the world is full of horror and wrong, but somehow God should be praised in the moments of “good luck”.

When your heart is set on the American Dream and your eyes feast on American media, it is easy to fall into the belief that God is the Joker. 

But what about when the bullet slices a different way?  When the cancer treatment doesn’t work?  When the child doesn’t come home?  What if the media ended their daily programs following Christian families with those stories?  Then TJ could see the true and deep side of faith.  The faith that still says through nashing teeth and sob choked breaths, God is Good.   Because believe me dear TJ, that is what is said by those who are followers of Jesus Christ and students of Scripture.  You see we are living under very different expectation than the American Dream. 

We are following a God who has already told us:  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.

We are educated by scripture full of stories of people whose lives didn’t go well here on earth, but who put their faith in God who promises us a better life to come.  We’re living by the examples of barren women, men sold into slavery, wandering homeless old men, and death row prisoners.  In these lives we see that while this world is full of trouble, God is using it all for his glory. So that when the bullets fly in our life we can fall to our knees and know there is a much bigger picture here than a shattered American Dream.   We can trust in a better world to come after this one.

I have seen it in the life of Reagan Joy who spent just one day on earth.  I have watched it in the life of my friend Joanne Heim, whose recovery may not be complete until she reaches Heaven.  And we now all have the privilege of watching Petra continue on her path.  Through all this we say, “God is good,” and we mean it.

You see we know God is not the Joker.  He told us the truth that we would face trouble.  It is also true that He has conquered this world.    He loved us so much that He sent His Son to pave the path for us to a better life.  A path back home, out of this temporary fallen world, to a far greater one. 

Yet for the living, those waiting to reach that better world, God calls on us to be His hands and feet to those in need.  While the media may have wrapped up Petra and her mother Kim’s story with a nice little bow called A Miracle, the reality is that Petra has a long road of recovery and Kim has a difficult battle to wage against cancer. We can all be part of blessing this family with another miracle by donating to the Anderson Relief Fund to defray medical costs of Petra’s hospital stay and Kim’s treatment.  Please consider giving and please share their story through reposting this blog, Pastor Brad’s or one of the many media stories. 

Making Family Special

Our house is full this week.  We are blessed by a visit by Pete’s Aunt Betty, his cousin Katy and her two kids Kacie(9) and Kyle (5).  Each morning I have woken up to hearing the door chimes go off announcing that Kacie and Emily, our early wakers, are headed out with Lucky (the dog.)  It warms my heart to get out of bed and watch them from my window.  While Emily never, NEVER takes Lucky out in the morning without some serious begging on my behalf, she eagerly is sharing this duty with Kacie.  Watching them head down to the pond, pj clad, hand –in-hand is so beautiful to me.   They are cousins, and friends.

This has been a week to think about family.  With our recent move thousands of miles away from family, building relationships with any of our family is going to take effort, a lot of effort.  It was easy in Denver for my kids to go to Grandma’s house which was only a short walk from ours. It was easy to schedule sleepovers with cousins who lived 20 minutes away.  Now it is not so easy.  This week has reminded me that it is worth it though.  It is worth the planning, and the loud house brimming with kids, and used up frequent flyer miles. 

I treasure the fact that Betty and Katy were willing to pile two kids in the car and drive a LOT of hours from Florida to spend time with us.  The little kid days are flying by fast I realize as Kyle , who was just the baby, talks to me about baseball and John Deere, and Sarah has squeaked by both Aunt Betty and Aunt Katy (a fabulous accomplishment to her, while an inevitable to us!) 

I am reminded of two aunts that invested in Pete and I as kids.  Aunts that visited and made us grow up feeling special.  Funny, they both were named Aunt Sue.  Pete’s loved on him in a powerful way that kept his father’s memory alive and made him know a life bigger than he saw was actually his future, not just his dream.  She handed over her first computer to a kid, and let him take it apart just to put it back together again.  She loved him.

My Aunt Sue put a little ballet dancer on a plane to San Francisco to sit next to her in a balcony box of the Jaffe Ballet’s performance of the Nutcracker.  She took me backstage to meet the cast. She gave me a little red satin pair of pointe shoes to hang on my Christmas tree when I went back home.  I still hang them on my tree each year, probably my favorite ornament to hang. 

Having the cousins and aunts here this week, I am challenged to think how I can be that special aunt.  How can I pour into these kids and some special ones back in Denver.  I want them all to know that they are loved.  They are some truly special kiddos.  I know I am not doing a fabulous job at that right now.  I am challenged in that. 

But of course our God is so good. So providing.  I was blessed to be introduced to Katy’s friend Hope this week.  She blogs at TheFlourishing Tree.  She blogs on Monday’s about being an aunt.  An intentional, special aunt.  An Aunt Sue.  I can’t wait to keep reading her posts. 

Were you blessed by a special aunt or uncle growing up? Are you being that special aunt or uncle now?  I would love to hear how.   I would love some suggestions or inspiration. 

How We Worship with our Kids – The dreaded sermon time

When Pete and I started keeping our kids with us during church, I knew it was not really realistic at 8 and 5 (now 9 and 6) to be able to sit nicely, listen and learn something from the sermon.  I wasn’t worried about the praise portion of the service.  They love to sing.  I was mostly just worried about the sermon.  They don’t love to sit. It is just not in Emily's nature.  I knew I needed to figure out something for the girls to actively “DO”.  Instead of making the focus of my amateur “worship training program” a long list of things not to do during the sermon, I wanted to give the girls something they were supposed to do. 

(Now that I read my thoughts on this, I think it is possible that this idea came from dog training tv show I watch.  Well please don’t tell my girls that.  But it works!)

So my solution was church journals.   I have long been a sermon note taker.  If I visit a church and they have one of those fill in the blank sermon inserts, I am ridiculously happy.  For many years my sermon notes have been scratched out on the corners of bulletins, but then later thrown away.  When the girls started joining us for service, we all got journals. 

The girls were given a few options to do in their journals:

1.       Draw a picture of what you hear (for Emily,6)

2.       Copy part or all of the scripture reading

3.       Write down things you don’t understand

4.       Write down what you do understand (mostly for Sarah, 9)

After church, we get out our books to discuss what we wrote on the way to lunch or at lunch.  The motivation of knowing that you lead our family discussion when we are talking about what you wrote, has been Emily’s big motivation.  Being the little one, she loves to lead the conversation, and somewhere along the line she figured out that if she only wrote one or two things, her turn went by fast. 

This is Emily’s entry from a few weeks ago.  The sermon was on the 23^rd psalm.  She is currently in a phase of writing down words she doesn’t know.  This has led us into great lunch conversations. According to Emily, this list includes: examine, grief, renew, restore, rod, staff, transform, dwell, pursued, gratitude. 

This is Sarah’s entry from the same sermon.

Sarah tends to either write out the scripture if it is one she doesn’t know it.  But if it is familiar like this one, it is easier for her to follow the sermon and write down sermon points. 

I love that we have a running record of what we are learning each week.  I know it will be a treasure to look back at at the end of the year, or in years to come.  I hope if you’re looking for something active for your kids to do during worship this idea is helpful.  I would love to hear other ways you may be engaging your kids in your Sunday worship service. 

How We Worship With Our Kids: Part 1

I have received several e-mails and calls from friends saying they liked my Why We Worship With Our Kids post, but they would prefer a “How” posting. Today I thought I’d share three thoughts for before you head to church. Next week I'll write about what to do when you get there.

#1: Come to Jesus, my friends.

Now friends, we’re going to have a little Come to Jesus moment here. What I am going to say may not be so popular, but it’s what I really believe … so here goes.

Church is not about you. It’s true. Going to church is not an hour off for you. It is not about your peace and quiet. I know you may really desperately want that. You may actually need that. But church would not be that hour. It is actually about God. I know it’s not a popular belief these days, but’s it’s true.

We don’t go to church to pamper ourselves, it is not our day spa with free childcare. We go to worship God community. 

Sometime in the last few decades church has become this place where people want to be entertained and amused. They want their children babysat every time they walk in the door. You hear people saying things like, “I just don’t like the music at that church.” “That church just doesn’t do anything for me.” There is a near riot if childcare is not offered. The pilgrims didn’t say that. Our grandmothers didn’t say that. We need to develop a deep love of worship and the object of that worship. If we want our kids to care about worship, we need to start by personally caring about it. For we can’t lead our kids somewhere we don’t actually go.

We need to come to Jesus my friends. It's a good place to start.

#2:  There is a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

Those of us who have lived in or loved the” little latitudes”, appreciate a little wisdom from Jimmy Buffet now and then.  Jimmy’s right of course, what happens Saturday night effects Sunday morning.  If you want to make Sunday morning successful, you have to be intentional on Saturday night.  Most of us don’t put our little kids to sleep at 11 pm on Sunday night and expect them to be perky and happy to go to school at 7 am on Monday.   We don’t have sleepovers on Wednesday.  It works the same way on Saturday night. We should be as intentional on Saturday night as we are on school nights.  Here are five ways to prepare on Saturday night for Sunday morning.   

1.       Make sure everyone gets 8-10 hours of sleep.  (plan those sleepover on Friday night)

2.       Tell the kids what the Sunday morning plan is. “We are going to Sunday school at 9, then church, then lunch.”

3.       Lay out church outfits.  If you are raising girls, you know the church outfit selection process is monumental!

4.       Lay out what you need for church… bibles, journals, tithes. 

5.       Have a breakfast plan to make sure everyone gets something to eat before you head out the door. 

#3:  Soccer is not for eating worms and church is not for eating cheerios. 

On Emily’s first ever day of soccer practice.  Her coach sat all the little girls down at a table to talk about why they come to soccer practice.  He had a big bowl of gummy worms.  He asked the girls, “Do we come to soccer practice to eat worms?”  NO!  They screamed.  He spent time talking about other things we don’t come to soccer to do – gymnastics, laying on the grass, eating snacks.  It was brilliant.  The girls never forgot that we go to soccer practice to practice soccer.

Looking around in any church one has to wonder what elementary age children think they come to church for.

 They might just think church is…

·         for eating cheerios

·         for coloring pictures

·         for playing on mom’s phone

·         for reading random books

·         for laying across pews

·         for crawling around on the floor.  

You may desire to have your kids meaningfully participating in worship, but if you head out the door Sunday morning armed with snacks and a library book, you’re sending your kids a pretty strong message of what your expectations of what they’ll be doing in church are.   Instead why not take Saturday night dinner to follow Emily’s coach’s example and throw a handful of gummy worms on the table.  Ask your kids if you’ll need them for church on Sunday.  Start up a conversation about what they are supposed to be doing during church.  They might just surprise you with their wisdom. 

Welcome to our new website!

Welcome returning and new friends.  Today I am launching the new Celebrated Family website.  I hope this new design and layout will make it easier to find the information you are looking for.  You can find this month's family devotion by clicking on the circular button above.  I pray these devotions will be a tool for bringing your family closer together as you grow closer to God. 

For church and ministry leaders, you can now easily find information on my speaking ministry.  I would be honored to speak at your next family or women's event.  I am currently scheduling Fall 2012 and Spring 2013 events.  I would love to talk to you about your event needs.

You can subscribe to my blog, or connect with the Celebrated Family Facebook page with the icons on the right. 

Thanks for visiting!

Why We Worship With Our Kids

This was originally published last spring.  As I am co-teaching a class on worship this month, I have been reconsidering how we train up a generation who will love worship.  
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Several years ago I had a conversation about worship with our friend and pastor, Zac.  It challenged the way I look at Sunday worship as a family. 

Zac said, “Worship is the only thing our children will do forever.” 

Forever. 

Worship will be the one and only thing I teach my children that they’ll do forever. 

They will not need to pee in the potty, or do long division, or tie their shoes forever. 

They will do only this one thing. 

Worship.

With all the effort I put into the things that time will wash away, I started to hope I’d get this  one thing right.

Not out of fear that I will have the only kids that show up to heaven who stand when they should sit or raise a hand when they should bow their head.  For that has very little to do with worship doesn’t it.?

No, they will get it right.  Scripture promises us that. 

I need to prepare them for the worship they do before forever starts.

There are those who are better equipped to talk about the why’s and how’s of worship (Zac’s blog would be a good place to start).  But I know this... through worship my girls will encounter the object of that worship.  The One who was and is and will be worthy of their worship, forever.

We’ve changed what Sunday morning looks like.  Pete and I have stopped thinking of Sunday morning as our time off.  Our time to drop the kids off in an age appropriate program and take on the big adult business of worship without them.  Those 10 words Zac shared with me turned Sunday morning into the most important parenting hour of the week.  Not because worship only happens in the confines of Sunday morning service, but because it should actually happen there. 

We have been through an extended time of church shopping.  God has yet to show us where our church home will be here in Raleigh.  A fact that weekly tears at my heart and leaves me feeling homeless.  But God has used this time to sharpen Pete and I, for there isn’t a comfortable children’s program to lean on, there is just the four of us.

Recently we walked in to a church full of strangers.  Emily and Sarah were approached by a helpful volunteer to go a watch a Veggie Tale movie during the service.  Without hesitation, they both declined.  I watched Emmie clutch her “church purse” a little closer when she said it, as if she was guarding it’s precious cargo. 

She was, in fact, guarding something precious.

We took our seats and Emmie unpacked her things. She took out her church journal. She found her pencil. With Pete’s help she looked in the order of worship and found the passages that would be read and marked them with an offering envelope. She settled back in her seat just before the first song began. With classic Emmie exasperation she looked at me and said, “why would I go watch a Veggie Tale movie?”
 
She was here to Worship. 


If you are looking for a place to start on this journey.  I highly recommed this book.  It was where we started. 

One piece of the puzzle

Parent Introduction:  We live in scary times.  But then again, when have times not been scary.  Open the bible to most any story and you will read of scary times.  This is nothing new, but fear can overwhelm all of us, no matter what age we are.  Scripture tells us that when we remember who our God is, that is He sovereign over ALL things, over all circumstances, over all people,  we actually have nothing to fear.

One Piece of the Puzzle is a reminder to us that we should not lean on our own understanding of our circumstances, but should trust in the Lord.  God knows and sees all things, we can only see a small piece of his big picture, just one piece of a very big puzzle.

In this devotion we will be looking at the story of Joseph.  The story is long, and can take approximately 15-20 minutes to read out loud.  For this reason, I suggest using a children’s bible or storybook bible if this is too long for your children. I would especially recommend using The Jesus Storybook Bible.  If your family does not have this bible, I cannot recommend it enough. 

In the opening activity you will need several puzzle pieces. It is important that your child not be familiar with the puzzle pieces given out, so use as small a puzzle piece as possible and a puzzle your child is not familiar with.  Each family member will need a piece.  Select pieces that do not go together, and if possible are very different colors.  Do not pick any pieces that clearly show a picture of what they are.   

Materials You Will Need: 

·         Bible, or children’s story bible which includes the story of Joseph.

·         Puzzle – preselect a puzzle piece for each family member

·         3 colors of crayons, pens or colored pencils 

·         Scissors

·         1 piece of paper

Opening activity: Give each member of your family a piece of a puzzle.

Discussion Questions:
1. What is your piece a picture of?
2. Is your puzzle piece a whole picture or just a piece of a puzzle?
3.  Pretend for a minute that your puzzle piece is the whole puzzle. It is a one piece puzzle.  What is the picture? 
4. Does the picture make any sense?
5.  Try to put together all the puzzle pieces that your family has.  What is the picture of?  Does it make sense?

It is silly to look at one puzzle piece or even  a handful of them and think we can know what the whole puzzle is.  One puzzle piece is not its own picture, it is a piece in a bigger picture.  Our lives can be like these little puzzle pieces.  We can look at something happening in our life right now and say, “this doesn’t make any sense!”  We can find ourselves asking, “Why did this happen?”  “Why did God allow this to happen? 

 Discussion Question:

·         Can you think of a situation that is either happening now or has happened recently that seems frightening or bad?  It can be happening to your family, or in the world such as a hurricane or fire.   Take time to discuss that situation(s).

We can point to several situations going on and not understand them.  But each of these situations is like our puzzle piece.  They are just one part of a bigger picture.  Scripture tells us that God is sovereign over all things.  Sovereign means that He has full knowledge and control.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. 

·         What does it mean to lean on your own understanding?

To lean on our own understand is to think we can understand everything that happens.  Of course we can’t.  It is like looking at your one puzzle piece and thinking you can understand what the whole puzzle will be.  God on the other hand has all the puzzle pieces, He is the only one who knows the whole picture, which is why we are told to trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding.

When we read stories from the bible, we can see pictures of how God used situations, like puzzle pieces, to come together for His Glory and often the good of the person in the story.  We are going to read the story of Joseph.  While the story is being read,  think about how the different events in Joseph’s life must have made him feel while they were happening. 

Reading:  Jesus Storybook Bible “A Forgiving Prince,” other children’s bible telling of the story of Joseph, or Genesis 37, 39:1 - 46:4.

Family Activity:  Many things happened in this story.  Many individual things that were not very nice for Joseph or his father and brothers. 

1.       Write down each of the individual events that happened in this story.  Write them out separately on one a sheet of paper so that the entire piece of paper is used.  You should have at least 6 events.  Use one color pen for things that happened to Joseph and a different one for his father or brothers. 

2.       Cut your paper into pieces around each of the things you wrote down.  Make sure every piece of paper that is cut out has something written on it. (No scraps)

3.        Spread out the pieces around your table so everyone can see them.  Mix them up. 

4.       Discuss some or all of the individual things that happened in this story.  They were sad, especially for Joseph.  How would Joseph must have felt during these times. 

5.       After your discussion, put your paper back together. 

6.       Discuss the story of Joseph as a whole picture.  Did God mean good or bad for Joseph and his family?

Joseph and his family faced many trials, but because of those trials Joseph was put in a situation to help his brothers and all their families when the famine came to Canaan.  Joseph put his trust in the Lord and not in his own understanding of what was going on.  Because of that, Joseph was able to say to his brothers, “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here. Because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5.  In the middle of all those situations, God never left Joseph or his father or brothers, He was working out a bigger plan.

Just as God never left Joseph or his family, He will not leave our family.  That is why we must remember Proverbs 3:5-6.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. 

Prayer:  Close your family devotion time in prayer.  Pray for the ability to trust in God for the situation that you discussed at the beginning of your devotion time.  Praise God for being a good and sovereign God who works together all things for good. 

Just for Fun: Pour out the puzzle that the opening activity pieces came from and finish the puzzle.  It will be a great reminder that God is pulling the pieces of your life together into a beautiful picture.