I'm not cut out to be Class Mom

Growing up there was this perfect mom in our neighborhood. I’ll call her Mrs. Brown. She looked perfect, her kids looked perfect, her house...was perfect.  Year after year Mrs. Brown was the Class Mom.  She organized our Halloween and Christmas parties (oh the 70's) and she did it all so well.   When Sarah started preschool, I hoped to be that kind of mom.  You see I really wanted to do the whole School Mom thing well, so I thought that meant being just like Mrs. Brown. For the first 7 years of being a School Mom I held a modern version of that standard in my head.  I failed miserably.  I was miserable.  You see the truth of what kind of School Mom I am is:  

I don't make bento box lunches

I forget which day is a black and white day, and dress my kid in pink. 

I don't clip Box Tops

I have attended exactly 1 PTA meeting and it nearly killed me. 

I am late for pick up most days

I've taught my kids to forge my name because I just can't sign ALL THOSE PAPERS!

I spent seven years feeling like a bad School Mom.  I beat myself up over forgotten empty cereal boxes, and missed class parties.  I looked at the moms who seemed to do it all so well, and been terribly jealous of them.  At the girl's school the principal suggests the Class Moms.  It's a seal of approval that you are indeed a "good School Mom."  I was pretty sure that seal was never coming my way - and frankly that hurt me.  

But surprise, surprise last fall I got a call.  I was told the principal had suggested me to be the 5th grade class mom.  I started to laugh.   In the moment that should have been a triumph, all I could do was laugh and ask, "What has that poor teacher done to deserve this!"  In that moment it became crystal clear to me that I'm just not cut out to be a Class Mom.  I was never meant to be Mrs. Brown. Then and there I admitted defeat, and politely declined the offer.  

In admitting defeat and stopping the battle to be Mrs. Brown, I was finally able to see that there’s more than one way to be a good School Mom.  

There was another mom at Cottonwood Creek Elementary, her name was Mrs. Bowler. She was crazy.  She taped balloons on her daughter's head to find her in parades.  She had a Ping-Pong table in the living room.  She never wore the latest fashion, played in the local mom's tennis league, or was our class mom.  There wasn't a house in the neighborhood I wanted to go to more than the Bowlers' house.  In that house, that was always a mess, I was loved.  In that house Jesus was everywhere.  

Mrs. Bowler and Mrs. Brown did the School Mom thing in completely different ways - and they both did it well.  Along with 50 other unique moms, they gave us Cottonwood kids a great childhood.  When I admitted defeat in trying to be Mrs. Brown I realized I might just be Mrs. Bowler, and that’s pretty awesome.  Suddenly the weight of mom guilt was lifted off of me.

In the last week three of Sarah's friends have asked me when they can come over.  I love those girls.  Our house is a mess, and most days I am completely crazy - but they still ask to come over.  I know they want to come play with Sarah, but I also know our house is a place where kids are loved, and Jesus is everywhere.    The truth of what kind of School Mom I am is:

The more kids in my house, the happier I am

There are no “kid free” zones in my house

I listen to kids and care about their ideas

I feed kids sugar

I hug kids and tell them I love them often
I have extremely loud sing-alongs in my car

I pray for these kids

Since that call to be the Class Mom, I have embraced the School Mom that I am – and it’s a good one.  I’ve also stopped being jealous of all the Mrs. Browns walking around our school. Heck, I'm grateful for them!  They’re working their tails off to support my girls’ teachers, to plan our class parties, and organize our field trips – and God Bless their organized hearts they're probably saving two cereal boxes to save my neck when I forget.  I pray this year they’re also blessed by the role I’ll play in their kids lives.  Together we're creating a great childhood for our kids.

Fellow mommas, do you need to admit defeat to a type of School Mom you’re not cut out to be?  I’d love to hear the unique way your being a good School Mom this year.  Give yourself some credit - I bet you're doing a great job! Please share below. 

Join me this fall for a new spiritual parenting class

Last August Bay Leaf Baptist Church launched the Legacy Track of spiritual parenting classes.  This series of classes aims to equip parents to become the primary faith trainers in their child’s life.  I have the joy of co-teaching these classes with Billy Driver, Director of Adult Education.   

Billy and I are excited to announce this fall’s class: 

   (we need a drum roll here..)

Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande

Wednesday Nights starting Sept 10th

6:15 – 7:45

Bay Leaf Baptist Church

As much as we desire to have peaceful homes, conflict happens.  We have conflict in our marriages, with our kids, and between the kids.  How are we to resolve our conflicts, and how can we teach our children to resolve their own conflicts?  This 12-week class will help parents see God’s plan for resolving conflicts and understand how to utilize peacemaking skills in your home. 

The great thing about the Legacy Track is that it is not a “church class,” it’s a community of parents.  If you live in the Raleigh area, we’d love to have you join us, actually we’d love for your whole family to join us.  Wednesday nights are a family affair at Bay Leaf.  You can come for dinner at 5:30, there is childcare, Awana, and youth studies going on at the same time.  Everyone is welcome.  If you’d like more information, call the church office at 919- 847-4477 or register online HERE. 

I hope to see you there!

Emily Burned Down the House

We have a Christmas memory book where I write down the best memories of that year’s Christmas season.  Each year I am sure that this will be the year I write…

Emily burned down the house.

Each December we change up our family devotions by doing them at night around an Advent wreath.  We light the candles… and EVERY night Emily is a little moth getting closer, and closer … so very close to the flame.  Most nights I’m sure she’s going to topple the candles over and burn the house down.   There have been many close calls, and a whole lot of spilled wax.  

I think, “Why can’t this simple thing be easy!”

No matter the season that’s how it goes with family devotions.  If you make the radical choice to be super weird and teach your children the Bible, it’s not going to be easy.  There are no Norman Rockwell nights.  (If there are at your house, please don’t tell me. I can’t handle it.)  Things go wrong when you try to have family devotions… the dog barks non-stop, drinks get spilled, the phone rings 7 times, parents cry.  Why?  The enemy doesn’t want you to do this one very powerful thing…

Open the Bible and read it to your children.

It seems like you’re doing this simple thing, so it should be easy.  But you’re not doing something simple, so it’s not going to be easy. 

When you open the Bible with your kids…

…you give the Church a future.

…you plant seeds for the third and fourth generation.

…you train an army for the Lord.

 You may appear to be doing something simple, but you’re actually doing something remarkable. 

This morning was the second day of school.  I forgot to set my alarm.  (On the second day!)  We ran around rushed, and late, and disorganized, but Pete herded us to the kitchen table and he opened the Bible.   As he read the Word of God over our girls I was reminded yet again that training them for the Lord is never going to be easy.   We may have rushed mornings, spilt cereal, and come December more close calls with candles, but what we’ll have done with our girls will have had eternal impact – and that’s so much better than easy.  

Looking for a devotion idea for this school year? Subscribe to The Celebrated Family and I will send you Our Salvation and Song as a free gift.

How to talk about the news with your kids

At the beginning of last week I set out to offer ideas for how to talk to your children about the persecution of Christians in Iraq. Throughout the week I posted through the Celebrated Family Facebook page articles and ideas to encourage you.  This post was supposed to go out last Thursday with five ideas for talking to your kids. The post didn't come out because I didn't have any ideas for you, or for myself.  Last  week I was so sad, there was so much horrible news, and I wasn't sure what to do with it all.

• The unfathomable news from Iraq and the atrocities being done not just to Christians but also to Muslim women.
• Israel
• Ferguson
• Robin Williams
• The news within my church family of deaths, separations, and terrible diagnosis.
• The news of a childhood friend's husband going into cardiac arrest.

I tried somehow to shove all that information, and pain, and worry into my brain, and heart, and prayers but it didn't fit.  It just didn't fit.   I wanted to just turn my eyes and heart away from female genital mutilations,  mountains full of refugees, and a world that seems to be crumbling, crumbling, crumbing.   So how am I supposed to explain any of this to my kids? What are the neat and clean steps to being a good mom amidst all of this?  Don't we all love a post that gives you 5 steps for doing anything perfectly? So I took a little media fast for the last few days, and spent more time praying than reading news reports.  Here are my 5 suggestions, not steps, and I'd like to ask for your suggestions as well.  After reading this, will you share in the comments how your family deals with talking about the news?

1. Have a purpose in sharing news with your children:
The above list was just last week's news.  This week there will be a new list.  Our children should not be exposed to all of it.  Discern through prayer what your children needs to know and why.  Share those stories with a teaching purpose.  What do you want your children to learn from this story?  What is your family's response, if any, going to be?  (Prayer, giving, raising awareness?)

2. Talk about a news story for more than 5 minutes:
Our country has a tiny attention span.  I tracked stories in Iraq last week on FB and watched how they disappeared as new stories came to light and the country rallied around them - at least for 5 minutes.  If you share a news story like Ferguson, or Iraq with your children, continue to talk about that one story.  There are still refugees on a mountain, tensions are still rising in Missouri, even when another story comes to light later today.  It 's better for our children to understand one event and the resolutions that unfolds over time, than to be brought up on snippets of 100 stories of which they have no understanding.

3.  Get a map:
When talking about a news story, get out a map.  Show your children where Iraq is located in relation to where you live.  Kids often struggle with not only geography but understanding that the news story you are talking about is not nearby.  Will IS(IS) come to your neighborhood tomorrow?  No, Iraq is very far away.

4. Don't bow to political correctness:
This may sound like terrible advice, but in the last 20 years we have become so politically correct that we can't actually speak truth.  Speak truth to your children and don't worry about being politically correct - be factually correct.  Ferguson is about race.  There is genocide going on in Iraq driven by extreme Islamic beliefs.  Robin Williams struggled with mental illness and drug addiction.  We need to speak uncomfortable words because they are the truth.


5.  Keep Heaven as your context
We should view all news stories through the context of Heaven and Jesus.   In light of Heaven, these moments are short.  Through Jesus this will all be redeemed - and that time is coming soon.  Once we set that hope in the center of our hearts, we can take all the horrible news and place it in the context that this world is passing and Heaven will be forever.    This might sound simple minded to suggest, but it's the truth.   Jesus and Heaven are the only structure to give ourselves, or our children, about the world in which we live.  We can hold lemonade stands to raise $37 for the refuges.  We can vote for a different political party next November.  We can change our Facebook picture to show solidarity.  We can do all these things, which are good and often important, but if we try to make them our way to handle the world's pain, we will always fall short, we will always be overwhelmed, and we will always miss the hope that God offers to us.

What are your suggestions? Please share them so we can encourage one another this week.

Am I teaching my kids a fairy tale, again?

I am struggling to figure out how to explain the Christian genocide going on in Iraq to my girls.
We don't watch the news at our house.  I shelter my girls by choice, because I don't believe that there is much value in daily doses of stories of rape, murder, and war when you are 8 years old.  But my friend asked me to help her know how to explain to her sons what is going on in Iraq with our Christian brothers and sisters.  I had no advice for her, because I haven't explained it to my girls yet.

Photo Credit: Washington Post Aug 8, 2014

 I wanted to avoid this topic because it saddens and terrifies me on very deep levels, but the Lord has prompted my heart that I can't ignore it.   I am doing a disservice to my girls by keeping it from them. These are their brothers and sisters in Christ.  Persecution of the Church is real, am I willing to teach them that, or am I just teaching them a fairy tale, again?  As I started to wrestle with this, several posting I had shared in the summer of 2012 came to mind.  I will be reposting them this week, with a new posting at the end of the week about our brothers and sisters in Iraq.

Am I teaching my kids a fairy tale?  

(originally posted summer of 2012)

My Facebook news feed and my heart are both full today of the sad news of Colorado’s many forest fires.  The images coming out of Colorado are truly unbelievable. 

photo credit: cathywaltersphotography

My girls are attending VBS this week.  Last night at dinner Emily told us the saying of the day was “Amazing!  God’s power over all circumstances!”

Amazing, I thought to myself.  I know this week our home church in Denver is doing the same VBS, as are many others.   I praise God for teaching kids all over Colorado this week this simple truth. 

 God is powerful over all circumstances.

But it made me wonder, am I teaching this truth at home?  God is powerful over all circumstances.  In fires, and floods, illness and death, am I teaching my children that God is in those circumstances? 

A few years ago my aunt and I were talking about faith.  She said, “When I was raising my kids I told them a fairy tale version of God, but when life got tough they didn’t believe the fairy tale anymore, and they didn’t believe in God either.” 

I knew just what she meant by a " fairy tale version of God".  We tell our kids the story of the animals God protected on the Ark, how Daniel was just fine in the den and baby Jesus came to help us all go to Heaven.  How does the saying go ... a partial truth is a whole lie? 

When Sarah was three she asked me what happened to the animals that didn’t get on the ark.  I told her they swam. 

Why was I afraid to tell her the truth?   Was I afraid that she couldn’t love a God that saved two giraffes and drowned the rest?  Did I think that I could hide death, could hide the fallen state of our world from her?

At nine, I can’t convince Sarah that the rest of the animals swam, but what other fairy tales am I selling her in the place of true knowledge of God? 

When I teach her to pray for situations burdening her heart am I teaching her to approach God as the Great I Am, or a genie in a bottle?  If I only teach her to pray to God with the power of wishing on a star, when her house burns down or washes away who will she think God is? 

It was not a fairy tale faith that allowed Job after losing all his children and wealth in a day fall to the ground and worship the Lord saying, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” 

After enduring financial ruin and the loss of his son in the Great Chicago Fire and then losing his daughters in a shipwreck, it was not a fairy tale faith that prompted Horatio Spafford to pen these words in the famous hymn It is Well with my Soul:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul

As much as I wish I could hand my girls a fairy tale world to live in, I have only the real one to offer.   What a shame it would be to sell them short with a fairy tale faith, when we have such an amazing God.  They'll need to know the truth (or as much of it as this poor mind can pass on) of an awesome God who is in control of all things, even the things that look out of control.  Of a good God who is working all things together for HIS good, even the bits that are very, very bad.  And of a saving God who has promised us citizenship in a much, much better world to come. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

 photo credit: www.9news.com

Planning for Growth

Planning for growth:  3 steps to creating a spiritual growth plan for your child

A new school year is here.  Soon we’ll be attending Back to School nights where we’ll look to our children’s new teachers and expect to hear a plan of what our child will learn this year.  Can you imagine your child’s teacher admitting she has no plans?

 None. 

You’d ask, “What will your class study?” 

“I don’t know.”

“What books will you read?”

“I haven’t really thought of that?”

“What will our kids learn?”

“I am not really sure, but I’m sure they’ll learn something.”

You would run right?  You’d run directly to the principal and make sure your child was assigned to a different teacher.   With no plans, it’s pretty clear that teacher has planned for no growth. 

Yet if I were to ask you, “What is your family discipleship plan this year?”  Would you have an answer?   Do you know what you want your child to learn?  Do you clearly know what books of the Bible or faith resource you are going to use?

With no plan, we are planning for no growth.

I know it is intimidating to create a spiritual growth plan.  Just saying it makes it sound like something for seminary students.  But it doesn’t have to be complicated.  Through answering the following three questions you can create an effective plan for your family.

1.  When?  When will our family have intentional discipleship time together?

Family discipleship should happen 3-5 times a week for 10-15 minutes.  Many families find tying discipleship to daily routines make it an expected and anticipated time. Our family uses breakfast.  Five days a week during the school year we have a 5-10 minute devotion and prayer time.  Several of the families in my church use bedtime as their time.  Find a time that can work consistently for your family, and put it on your calendar. 

2.  What?  What do I hope my children will learn?

Keep the end goal in mind.  What do you hope your children will learn in the next three months, six months, one year? 
Your answer might look like one of these:
I want the kids to learn more about Jesus.

I want my kids to understand how we should behave and treat each other.

I want my kids to understand the history of God’s people. 

You may have NO idea what this answer should be.  The incredible thing about the Word of God is that it is ALL good and achieving any of these statements would be great.  (and certainly better than doing nothing.)  Once you have identified your “what,” or your goal, write it down with today’s date. Keep it as a reminder of what your goal is so you can stay on the path you have chosen.  It is a wonderful thing to look back at such goals and see progress.

3.  How?  How will we reach our goal?

So now you have a plan for the when and what.  It might look like this:

Sunday through Thursday we will spend 10 minutes together at bedtime.  Over the course of a year I want my children to learn more about Jesus. 

There is one last question you need to answer.  How are you going to reach your goal?  In other words, what resource are you going to use?  The Bible is the natural answer to this question.  Reading from the Bible daily is a habit every parent should hope to instill in his or her children. But what books of the Bible will you use to reach your goal?  If you want them to learn about Jesus, plan to read the Gospels.  If you want them to learn about how Christians should live and treat each other, plan to read through some of the epistles.  For younger children a picture bible may work well.  Reading a story a night through the Storybook Bible would be a wonderful way to spend a year with preschoolers.  Reading through The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel might be a great resource for teaching teens about apologetics.  Pick a specific resource for your goal. 

Now your plan might look something like this:

Sunday through Thursday we will spend 10 minutes together at Bedtime.  I want my children to learn more about Jesus.  We will read one chapter a night from the Gospels in order starting with the Book of Matthew.

Entering the year with a simple, yet well thought out plan such as this will help your family make sure this year will be a great year of family discipleship.    

Would you like some resource help?  Subscribe to The Celebrated Family and I will send you a free printable family devotion guide for the school year.  Our Salvation and Song will take you through the Gospels and Psalms one chapter at a time.