About a month ago, I somehow lost all common sense. In the course of about 12 hours I completely screwed up in two gigantic ways, affecting three of my friends. In the midst of my rather large lapses in judgment, my friends Susan, Suzi and Josie, offered me such amazing grace that I am still in awe. My first moronic move happened at Sarah's spring school concert. At Sarah's school, parents are invited to come to the dress rehearsal. This is a wonderful opportunity because you can see exactly where your child is going to stand, so you will know where to sit at the concert. So of course I had it all planned out where we would sit. Off my family went (very early – remember I dealing with the same set of parents who started the registration line 9 hours before registration). I got great seats for my family. While I was sitting there, I saw my friend Susan's mom sitting on the other side of the church. Little meddlin' me decides, "Oh I should go tell Susan's mom to come sit by us because our seats are better." You see Susan had missed the dress rehearsal so I thought her mom had just taken a random seat. So off I march (why! Why! Why Wendy!) I go and tell Susan's mom to move. She tells me "this is just where Susan told me to sit." (Of course I should have stopped here – but no) I tell her, "I think the other side is going to be much better." So off they all go – Susan's mom, dad and sister. Well low and behold, Susan had had another friend video tape the dress rehearsal and had picked out the perfect spot from which to see her son perform. No one in their family could see Alex at all from my suggested seats. I literally wanted to cry through the whole concert. It was awful. I felt SO bad. What in the world possessed me to march over there and get involved! Why, why why! If I could have found a big enough hole, I would have climbed right into it! I spent much of the reception apologizing to Susan and her husband. Susan was amazing. There was never a flicker of frustration or anger with me. She just kept telling me it didn't matter. She was amazing. Here I made her miss her son's last preschool performance, and she had nothing but grace and love to offer me. Nary twelve hours later, I was driving two of my co-workers, Suzi and Josie, to a work related training in Loveland, Colorado. A place I have never been before. But I assumed I sort of knew where it was, so I tucked the directions in my purse and off we drove.(Again – why! Why Wendy!) Josie had just moved here from Florida, so she didn't have a clue, and Suzy very wrongly assumed I knew what I was doing. After all, I did say I knew where I was going. So we drove and chatted, and chatted and drove and two hours later I asked Suzi to pull the directions out of my purse. When she read the directions it was like a 50 lb weight socking me in the stomach. I had driven us 170 miles in the WRONG direction! It was quickly obvious that we would not make the training. Both of them, who work A LOT of hours, had woken up at an ungodly hour on a Saturday for me to drive us on a 4 hour trip to nowhere. I was ready for them to be frustrated. I was ready for a bit of whining. I wasn't ready for the laughter. They both just started laughing. They laughed on and off for the next two hours as I drove us back out of the mountains. Not mockingly, not in hysteria – just honest, good humored laughing. Amazing grace. Ephesians 4:2 says, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Thank you ladies for bearing with me in love and patience. 1 John 4:12 says, "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." It is so true. Their love offered to me when it was much undeserved, exhibited the love of our Father which lives in all three of them. What great witnesses they are. Although it held all the ingredients of a truly bad weekend, it reminded me that God has placed me amongst truly wonderful people. Thank you ladies!
The grace of good friends …
It’s the stupid things that make me so happy …
I think the saying is supposed to be "it's the simple things," but today it was the stupid, silly and sweet things that made my day. Here is my list: So now I have shared the stupid, silly and sweet things that made my day. What makes your day end with a smile?
Making friends with my MIL
I don't know when or where mother-in-laws jokes started. I wonder if every culture has them, or it just one of those American things. Regardless of their origin, I know that I definitely participated in them for the first 7 or 8 years of my marriage. I can safely say that when Pete proposed to me neither Pat, my MIL, or myself got what we had hoped for in a daughter/mother-in-law. I was this giant 6 foot non-southern, non-Baptist, shopping hating, non-make-up wearing Democratic oddity to her. She was a very southern, small town woman with giant fake red hair, matching lip stick and an obsession with the mall. There was much disappointment on both sides.
Neither of us worked too hard on making the situation better. She questioned Pete's choice in proposing to a woman who would (get ready, this is good!) "Burn in hell eternally" for being raised Catholic. Looking back I wasn't that great either. I completely excluded her from the planning of our wedding. Basically she was just an invited guest. I also announced early in our engagement that I had no intention of EVER spending Christmas with her, as I love my own family tradition of going to the Bahamas. Those are two pretty tough things with Pete being an only child.
We lived in a mutually unhappy state of veiled dislike for the next 8 years. Along the way we really missed some great opportunities. When my first child, Sarah, was born, Pat and I clashed for her entire first visit. I was hormonal, exhausted and a complete control freak. Although she had successfully raised Pete, she obviously knew NOTHING about children. Instead of letting her enjoy her first grandchild, I spent four days complaining about how she did everything wrong. She spent three days dragging 2-week-old Sarah and I to the mall. Of course things came to a terrible clash and she left with only an hour's notice, 5 days before she was scheduled to. It was a disaster.
But a bigger disaster was looming, one that would finally break my heart enough to make me see Pat for who she is. Three years ago we got a call that my father-in-law had died suddenly from a heart attack. Pat had held him while he died in their home. We immediately got to the airport and flew to Tennessee. In the course of the next few days, I watched Pat bury Johnny with astounding grace, strength and faith. But you see she had done this before, actually twice before. Pat had buried Pete's father when Pete was 5, his first step father when Pete was in college, and now she was burying his second step-father. As I watched her during those sad days, my heart literally broke for her. How can someone bury three husbands before their 60th birthday? How can someone get up in the morning, put one foot in front of the other and sing praises to God after all that? My eyes were finally opened to see beyond the hair and makeup and shopping sprees, I finally saw a women who deserved (and really wanted) my respect and love.
Pat spent a lot of time with us that summer and fall. During that time, both of our hearts softened, healed and completely changed toward one another. She came when Emily was born and we had a great visit. I begged her to stay for a third week. Yes, she still wanted to go shopping, and we did. I have learned to shrug my shoulders and say thank you – most of her shopping these days is focused on dressing the girls. She learned to shrug her shoulders and feed the girls tofu and only organic dairy products. Although I do it differently than she did with Pete, she never misses a chance to tell me that I am a good mom. I really appreciate that.
Having just come home from visiting Pat last week, I am completely in awe of how things have changed over the years for us. It is nothing short of a miracle! I look forward to our visits together, and I am sad when they end. When we are together, we talk until midnight or until we just have to go to sleep. After 11 years, I can finally say that we are truly friends now and I am so grateful for it.
