Two Gifts for Our Ten Year Old

Ten years old.  I can barely even type that.  Last week Sarah, our miracle girl, turned ten. A whole decade.  For months Pete and I have been talking about what we would give her.  On one hand we asked,"what thing do you give a kid this amazing?"  On the other hand we asked, "what thing does this kid not already have?" 

For a kid who might be hoping for a pile of gifts on her birthday, it doesn't bode well when your mother spends months reading books about poverty and giving away possessions.  But Sarah's not the kid who was expecting a pile of gifts.  She asked for nothing.  For months people have been asking her what she wanted for her birthday.  "I think I have everything," she replied.

Last month I had coffee with my friend Cindy and within a conversation about intentional parenting she made a comment about parents taking their kids to Disney World over and over.  (This drives her bananas.)  She challenged that the money would be better spent showing their kids something of this world. Something real.  Although we were not talking about presents we give our kids, I left the conversation challenged.  How would we mark Sarah's birthday, by just blindly driving to the mall and wrapping up a bunch of stuff?

After that conversation, I stuck upon my first idea.  A bible.  I know that sounds really lame, but Sarah only had a kid bible, with a cardboard cover which was half falling off.  She never took it anywhere.  So our first gift to Sarah was a lovely turquoise leather covered bible with her name on it.  It is the gift of roots.  As she enters scary tweenhood, we pray she will root herself in the Word, and find her security in it. 

That's all we had two days before her birthday.  I kept thinking about Cindy's challenge.  I wanted our gift to speak to our priorities and dreams for Sarah.  On Tuesday, I drove to Richmond for a meeting.  During my six hours of driving, I listened to Love Does by Bob Goff.  One chapter of the book was devoted to his kids' tenth birthdays.  I was all ears! Bob and his wife gave each of their children one gift on their tenth birthday.  Just one.... three days with their dad... to do anything they dreamed of doing.  Anything. 

I called Pete from the car and he quickly agreed.  We had Sarah's second gift.

To Sarah, on your 10th Birthday...

What do you dream of seeing...

What have you always wanted to try...

Where do you want to go...

We are giving you a three day adventure with Dad.

You pick the adventure - Let's GO!

It's the perfect gift for our girl.  The gift of spreading her ever growing wings and seeing something she dreams of seeing.  The gift of three days with her dad in these fleeting last days of little girlhood. The gift of knowing this whole big world is waiting for her and we can't wait for her to see it. 

Happy Birthday sweet Sarah.  We can't wait to see what adventure you pick.  We know it's just the first of many amazing adventures God has in store for you! 

30 days into Our Salvation and Song

Thirty mornings our family has gathered around the breakfast table and checked off a tiny box on our reading guide.  Thirty days of school have started with scripture and prayer and discussion.  I'll be honest friends, it's not all been easy or pretty.  It's flat out a miracle that every morning the four of us have gotten dressed, taken the dog out, gotten lunches ready and had breakfast on the table on time.  Whoo hoo!

This morning started out like many others - looking shaky.  It's "silly hat" day at school.  Who knew selecting a silly hat that is not too silly, nor too plain could cause such tears.  Oh the drama of being six.  There were a lot of tears, and a lot of hats, and around 6:55 I thought, "today will be first the day we don't end up reading."  But we have been faithful to our task and now it's our habit so each of us plugged along with what needed to be done to get to breakfast.  We got there late, but we got there.

Pete prayed for us, and started our reading.  Today was Psalms 26-28.  Many mornings, I will admit, I'm not sure Sarah is totally awake.  Mornings are especially rough on her. Today I was afraid she was going to face plant into her Cheerios.  Pete read the first two Psalms.  His audience was silent.  He faithfully plodded into the third. 

Psalm 27

Of David

 

The Lord is my light and my salvation-

whom shall I fear? 

 

All of a sudden, Sarah was awake.  "That's my class's Psalm. I know it."
"Go ahead," Pete said, and she did:

The LORD is my light and my salvation;

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?

When evildoers assail me

to eat up my flesh,

my adversaries and foes,

it is they who stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me,

my heart shall not fear;

though war arise against me,

yet I will be confident.

One thing have I asked of the LORD,

that will I seek after:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to inquire in his temple.

For he will hide me in his shelter

in the day of trouble;

he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;

he will lift me high upon a rock.

 







Our sleepy, tear-stained morning was redeemed in the beautiful words of that Psalm.  Pete started reading the rest for us, and three verses later he read.

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me."

and my heart responds, "Lord I am coming."  Ps 27:8 

There it was. The key verse for Our Salvation and Song.  The heart of why I put together this crazy plan to read all of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Act and Psalms in one school year. 

We are thirty day in.  Thirty little boxes checked off.  Some days sleepy, some days crying, some days harried, but we are calling out to God, "Lord, I am coming!" as we head to our breakfast table. He has poured blessings back on us in ways beyond measure.  Ways I look forward to sharing with you here soon.  But today I want to encourage you to join our family and many others, by printing our Our Salvation and Song and starting to read scripture together daily. It's not "too late."  It doesn't matter when you start, or how far you are into your school year, what matters is that you just start.  God is longing for you to come and talk to Him.  I hope your family's response will be "Lord we are coming." 

Three Friends Every Mom Needs

Two weeks ago in Sunday School our teacher said, "No one warns you that there will be days you don't like your kids.  You will love them, but you won't like them."  She was referring to tweeners and teenagers, and although I thought I could file that bit of wisdom for a few years, I ended up needing it 5 days later.

One of our daughters made a series of bad choices which resulted in hurting me deeply.  While I'm grateful she's too young to brake any laws,  I now know she's old enough to break her momma's heart. 

In the hours after this event God placed three friends in my path to walk me through that day.  They were the three friends every mom needs.

1.  The Cliff Walker: 

In the painful moments after the shocking revelation that your child has actually just __________ (fill in the blank), every mom needs a friend willing to talk them off the cliff of overreacting.  Someone to walk out on that cliff with you, and calm you down.  My friend Courtney served as my Cliff Walker last week.  She didn't let me go strangle my kid.  The important feature of a Cliff Walker is that they can balance empathy and reality.  Courtney felt horrible for me (which made me feel better), but she reminded me that my daughter had just made a bad choice and was not actually a bad person. 

2. The Distractor:

When our kids are horrible it's easy to get overly wrapped up in it.  Our anger can grow, never allowing a mom to get herself off the cliff and solve the issue at hand.  Distraction goes a long way on a bad momma day.  Last week Amy was my Distractor.  She called me just as I was contemplating putting myself up for adoption. Fifteen minutes of chatting with Amy (I never brought up the horribleness of the day) brought me miles from the cliff and lightened my heavy heart immeasuribly.  A friend who can make you laugh on a hard day is worth her weight in gold and is a true gift from God.

3.  The Big Picture Friend:

I had an excellent plan for dealing with my daughter.  I was simply going to cancel her birthday party, return her gifts and make her my personal Cinderella (pre-ball) for the next few years.  Thankfully I have an awesome husband who is also my Big Picture Friend.  He patiently listened to the crime of the day and my plan for a punishment, then he reminded me of the Big Picture. Our big picture is to train up our daughters to be the women God wants them to be through a family marked by His love.  My punishment plan did not exactly go with our big picture.  Pete helped me form a new plan for dealing with the issue that honored our big picture.  I love that man! 

Every mom needs these three friends to get through the days that hurt them without them in turn hurting thier kids.  There are a few characteristics to look for when seeking these types of friends.

1.  Seek friends who love your kids.  Courtney loves my daughter, and I love her for that.  I have no question in my mind that she has forgotten last week and will not hold it against the girl.  She will still invite her over to play and will continue to love on her.

2. Seek friends who do not gossip:  Kids make mistakes, but parent gossip can turn a mistake into a label.  If the friends you turn to share your kid's dirt with other neighborhood or school moms, your kid can quickly go from being a "kid who made a bad choice" to "the bully," or "a liar," etc. 

3. Seek friends who share your vision of Christian parenting:  Find friends who are going to lift you up to the higher calling of parenting, not bring you down to an ineffective place of being a "kid basher."  The Facebook "friends" who repost the Sh@t Up About Your Perfect Kids pictures and quotes, are not the person to turn to. Find the friends who share your beliefs in parenting.  These friends will also be the people who cry out to God on your behalf. 

I know I am not the only mom out there dealing with hard parenting days.  How have you seen God use your friends to walk with you on difficult momma days?