To My Daughter As She Starts Youth Group

Dear Sarah,

Your exit from children's ministry has finally arrived.  This Sunday you'll bypass the hall of little kids and head on into the gym for donuts and the world of youth group.  You've been waiting to spread your wings and escape children's ministry for a while now.  You've outgrown the confines of memorizing scripture for lollipops, and lectures without room for debate.  You're ready to go, but before you do there are a few things I'd like you to know.

There was a time when I didn't like church.  Crazy, it's true.  My entry to youth group was not with anticipation like yours, but it was forced.  I'd successfully avoided all things youth group until I turned 15, at which point I was forced into a youth retreat to make up for a year's worth of missed CCD (think Sunday School).  I went on that retreat with a grudge and a duffle bag full of tie-died Grateful Dead shirts and torn jeans (just to be obnoxious).  That weekend saved my life. That weekend I accepted Jesus Christ.  That weekend I fell in love.

So Sarah, I hope in youth group you'll fall in love too.

I'm tempted to put a name tag on you that says, "Hi my name is Sarah, and I'm only 11" or have dad volunteer  wearing his NRA hat.  I'm afraid of the boys at youth group - its true.  For a few years I hope they'll stay at bay.  At some point though they won't and that's okay -  but that's not the love I'm hoping for you.  I hope you'll fall in love with Jesus.  You see Sarah, you have a lot of head knowledge about God.  You have more knowledge than I'd think possible for an 11 year old.  You can find Nehemiah or Titus with your eyes closed.  You can rattle off all the right answers without much thought.  Now, I hope your head knowledge will become balanced with heart knowledge.  When I was in youth group I fell in love with Jesus, and for 25 years He has been the great love of my life ( I'm not discounting dad here  - Jesus comes first to us both). I wish for you for the great love of your life to begin.  I pray all those memory verses, and VBS songs of your elementary years, will become a spring board for your heart. I hope your heart will dive deep because head knowledge is only worth so much my dear - it's the love of Christ that will set your life on fire.

Sarah, I hope you'll wrestle:  

Up until now you've been fed a lot of "faith facts,"  but there have been few opportunities to wrestle with your faith.  Some people will tell you that questioning your faith, or questioning the Bible is wrong.  Don't believe them.  To tell you the truth, I think the people that don't wrestle with their faith  haven't actually read the Bible.  There's a lot in there to question!  I hope you'll wrestle with questions of faith during your youth group years.  I'm praying God will raise up great leaders who will wrestle with you, and help you make your faith your own.  I promise to do that with you too.  I won't judge you or criticize you for it.  I don't want you to adopt my faith Sarah,  I want you to find and embrace your own.  You know the story of Jacob.  He wrestled with God (through a man)  throughout the night, and in the morning the man says to him, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."   So wrestle away my girl, I can't wait to see how God molds you and blesses you.

I hope you'll meet a kid in a Grateful Dead shirt:  

There's going to be a night at youth group when a girl walks in wearing a Grateful Dead shirt, or some other obnoxious thing, that sets her apart from your comfortable Southern Baptist Girl group.  I'm praying hard that your faith, and character, and love will be strong enough to welcome her in amidst her hard edges and snarky comments.  You see she's been looking for love, for a savior,  in a bottle of Vodka, the bowl of a pipe, and the edge of a razor - and she hasn't found it yet.  I hope when she walks in the door you, and your friends, will love her, because when I walked into that retreat 25 years ago, people loved me.  That love made all the difference.  The youth pastor, his wife, the other kids... they all looked past my foul language and poor choices, and they saw what our Heavenly Father saw, one of His lost kids.  Because they loved me I was able to meet the God of love.  Many Christian parents today are keeping their kids out of youth group because they don't want their children corrupted by the girls in Grateful Dead shirts.  I know that through her you're going to hear things I'll wish you didn't hear.  But I believe in you, and the strength of our God, and I know the frank truth that you'd have eventually heard all that anyways.  So I am sending you off to youth group with the prayer that that through you, that girl in the Grateful Dead shirt will hear things she really needs to hear.  So when you see her arrive, think of your momma, and go welcome her in.

Off you go sweet Sarah.  Don't forget to have a lot of fun - eat 1,000 slices of pizza, make incredible friends, and stay up all night on retreats.  I can't wait to hear all about, or as much as you wish to share, I know God has great things in store for you.


Love,
Mom

I'm not cut out to be Class Mom

Growing up there was this perfect mom in our neighborhood. I’ll call her Mrs. Brown. She looked perfect, her kids looked perfect, her house...was perfect.  Year after year Mrs. Brown was the Class Mom.  She organized our Halloween and Christmas parties (oh the 70's) and she did it all so well.   When Sarah started preschool, I hoped to be that kind of mom.  You see I really wanted to do the whole School Mom thing well, so I thought that meant being just like Mrs. Brown. For the first 7 years of being a School Mom I held a modern version of that standard in my head.  I failed miserably.  I was miserable.  You see the truth of what kind of School Mom I am is:  

I don't make bento box lunches

I forget which day is a black and white day, and dress my kid in pink. 

I don't clip Box Tops

I have attended exactly 1 PTA meeting and it nearly killed me. 

I am late for pick up most days

I've taught my kids to forge my name because I just can't sign ALL THOSE PAPERS!

I spent seven years feeling like a bad School Mom.  I beat myself up over forgotten empty cereal boxes, and missed class parties.  I looked at the moms who seemed to do it all so well, and been terribly jealous of them.  At the girl's school the principal suggests the Class Moms.  It's a seal of approval that you are indeed a "good School Mom."  I was pretty sure that seal was never coming my way - and frankly that hurt me.  

But surprise, surprise last fall I got a call.  I was told the principal had suggested me to be the 5th grade class mom.  I started to laugh.   In the moment that should have been a triumph, all I could do was laugh and ask, "What has that poor teacher done to deserve this!"  In that moment it became crystal clear to me that I'm just not cut out to be a Class Mom.  I was never meant to be Mrs. Brown. Then and there I admitted defeat, and politely declined the offer.  

In admitting defeat and stopping the battle to be Mrs. Brown, I was finally able to see that there’s more than one way to be a good School Mom.  

There was another mom at Cottonwood Creek Elementary, her name was Mrs. Bowler. She was crazy.  She taped balloons on her daughter's head to find her in parades.  She had a Ping-Pong table in the living room.  She never wore the latest fashion, played in the local mom's tennis league, or was our class mom.  There wasn't a house in the neighborhood I wanted to go to more than the Bowlers' house.  In that house, that was always a mess, I was loved.  In that house Jesus was everywhere.  

Mrs. Bowler and Mrs. Brown did the School Mom thing in completely different ways - and they both did it well.  Along with 50 other unique moms, they gave us Cottonwood kids a great childhood.  When I admitted defeat in trying to be Mrs. Brown I realized I might just be Mrs. Bowler, and that’s pretty awesome.  Suddenly the weight of mom guilt was lifted off of me.

In the last week three of Sarah's friends have asked me when they can come over.  I love those girls.  Our house is a mess, and most days I am completely crazy - but they still ask to come over.  I know they want to come play with Sarah, but I also know our house is a place where kids are loved, and Jesus is everywhere.    The truth of what kind of School Mom I am is:

The more kids in my house, the happier I am

There are no “kid free” zones in my house

I listen to kids and care about their ideas

I feed kids sugar

I hug kids and tell them I love them often
I have extremely loud sing-alongs in my car

I pray for these kids

Since that call to be the Class Mom, I have embraced the School Mom that I am – and it’s a good one.  I’ve also stopped being jealous of all the Mrs. Browns walking around our school. Heck, I'm grateful for them!  They’re working their tails off to support my girls’ teachers, to plan our class parties, and organize our field trips – and God Bless their organized hearts they're probably saving two cereal boxes to save my neck when I forget.  I pray this year they’re also blessed by the role I’ll play in their kids lives.  Together we're creating a great childhood for our kids.

Fellow mommas, do you need to admit defeat to a type of School Mom you’re not cut out to be?  I’d love to hear the unique way your being a good School Mom this year.  Give yourself some credit - I bet you're doing a great job! Please share below. 

Join me this fall for a new spiritual parenting class

Last August Bay Leaf Baptist Church launched the Legacy Track of spiritual parenting classes.  This series of classes aims to equip parents to become the primary faith trainers in their child’s life.  I have the joy of co-teaching these classes with Billy Driver, Director of Adult Education.   

Billy and I are excited to announce this fall’s class: 

   (we need a drum roll here..)

Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande

Wednesday Nights starting Sept 10th

6:15 – 7:45

Bay Leaf Baptist Church

As much as we desire to have peaceful homes, conflict happens.  We have conflict in our marriages, with our kids, and between the kids.  How are we to resolve our conflicts, and how can we teach our children to resolve their own conflicts?  This 12-week class will help parents see God’s plan for resolving conflicts and understand how to utilize peacemaking skills in your home. 

The great thing about the Legacy Track is that it is not a “church class,” it’s a community of parents.  If you live in the Raleigh area, we’d love to have you join us, actually we’d love for your whole family to join us.  Wednesday nights are a family affair at Bay Leaf.  You can come for dinner at 5:30, there is childcare, Awana, and youth studies going on at the same time.  Everyone is welcome.  If you’d like more information, call the church office at 919- 847-4477 or register online HERE. 

I hope to see you there!