Three Friends Every Mom Needs

Two weeks ago in Sunday School our teacher said, "No one warns you that there will be days you don't like your kids.  You will love them, but you won't like them."  She was referring to tweeners and teenagers, and although I thought I could file that bit of wisdom for a few years, I ended up needing it 5 days later.

One of our daughters made a series of bad choices which resulted in hurting me deeply.  While I'm grateful she's too young to brake any laws,  I now know she's old enough to break her momma's heart. 

In the hours after this event God placed three friends in my path to walk me through that day.  They were the three friends every mom needs.

1.  The Cliff Walker: 

In the painful moments after the shocking revelation that your child has actually just __________ (fill in the blank), every mom needs a friend willing to talk them off the cliff of overreacting.  Someone to walk out on that cliff with you, and calm you down.  My friend Courtney served as my Cliff Walker last week.  She didn't let me go strangle my kid.  The important feature of a Cliff Walker is that they can balance empathy and reality.  Courtney felt horrible for me (which made me feel better), but she reminded me that my daughter had just made a bad choice and was not actually a bad person. 

2. The Distractor:

When our kids are horrible it's easy to get overly wrapped up in it.  Our anger can grow, never allowing a mom to get herself off the cliff and solve the issue at hand.  Distraction goes a long way on a bad momma day.  Last week Amy was my Distractor.  She called me just as I was contemplating putting myself up for adoption. Fifteen minutes of chatting with Amy (I never brought up the horribleness of the day) brought me miles from the cliff and lightened my heavy heart immeasuribly.  A friend who can make you laugh on a hard day is worth her weight in gold and is a true gift from God.

3.  The Big Picture Friend:

I had an excellent plan for dealing with my daughter.  I was simply going to cancel her birthday party, return her gifts and make her my personal Cinderella (pre-ball) for the next few years.  Thankfully I have an awesome husband who is also my Big Picture Friend.  He patiently listened to the crime of the day and my plan for a punishment, then he reminded me of the Big Picture. Our big picture is to train up our daughters to be the women God wants them to be through a family marked by His love.  My punishment plan did not exactly go with our big picture.  Pete helped me form a new plan for dealing with the issue that honored our big picture.  I love that man! 

Every mom needs these three friends to get through the days that hurt them without them in turn hurting thier kids.  There are a few characteristics to look for when seeking these types of friends.

1.  Seek friends who love your kids.  Courtney loves my daughter, and I love her for that.  I have no question in my mind that she has forgotten last week and will not hold it against the girl.  She will still invite her over to play and will continue to love on her.

2. Seek friends who do not gossip:  Kids make mistakes, but parent gossip can turn a mistake into a label.  If the friends you turn to share your kid's dirt with other neighborhood or school moms, your kid can quickly go from being a "kid who made a bad choice" to "the bully," or "a liar," etc. 

3. Seek friends who share your vision of Christian parenting:  Find friends who are going to lift you up to the higher calling of parenting, not bring you down to an ineffective place of being a "kid basher."  The Facebook "friends" who repost the Sh@t Up About Your Perfect Kids pictures and quotes, are not the person to turn to. Find the friends who share your beliefs in parenting.  These friends will also be the people who cry out to God on your behalf. 

I know I am not the only mom out there dealing with hard parenting days.  How have you seen God use your friends to walk with you on difficult momma days?