Just in case you were thinking of running away

Never fear, I did return from my Run Away Momma trip last week.  I had a wonderful two days.  I ate at restaurants of my own choosing.  I spent a really long time in an art museum.  I found this garden and wiled away an entire morning sketching.  Alone.  Alone.  Blissfully Alone.

I listened to this book and thought complete thoughts without interruption of work, little girls, or regular life.  Alone.

I spent several hours praying through three specific opportunities/ideas I had for this summer. I made a lovely chart of the pros and cons of these ideas and wrote out scripture ... yes scripture.. to support them.  Alone.  

And about three seconds after I took this photo, documenting my lovely peaceful morning ... it was so peaceful.. my cell phone rang ... it was God calling to thank me for the large amounts of humor I was providing Him with my cute little chart.  He barged right into the prayer time I was having Alone. God liked my chart for its humor purposes, but if my life was a bad Sunday School cartoon, my journal would have blown up into a little cloud of smoke and God's voice would have been heard from the cloud saying, 

"Wendy, Wendy, your chart is stupid. Your plans are small, and so is your faith."  

Okay, God would probably not say stupid and it was not Him calling on the phone. (That would have been a really fantastic culmination of my trip!)  No, He used my friend.  She was calling to ask me to do something that would require a LOT of faith this summer.  Something messy and difficult and totally outside my comfort zone.  I explained my chart.  My chart held three pretty little ideas.  Ideas that I was trying to choose between - because surely in my busy life I couldn't do something nutty and pick two.  There was just room for one.  She laughed, (sort if manically actually), and wished me good luck with my chart.  

So that was the end of the peaceful portion of my trip.  It was also the beginning of the genuine part of my trip.  You see I had told Pete I wanted to go away and be quiet and pray about what God's will is for me in this season of my life. But I had lied.  I wanted to go away and think about what I wanted to do in this season.  There is a big difference.  It's easy in Christian culture to say cute phrases about prayer and the will of God, when you really mean "thinking" and the will of ME.  It's easy to get away with living a life where you are risking nothing, over analyzing everything, and worshiping your "quiet time" because what really matters most is keeping life as smooth and peaceful as possible.  I had planned a weekend Alone, but I didn't get it.

I can try to put on all the trappings of The Good Christian Girl's Life and walk smoothly in my own self-serving plans. But then God shows up, out of His great and mighty love for me.  He reveals a better plan, a messier, bigger plan than would ever fit on my little chart.  For have any of God's plans ever fit on a little chart?  

So just in case you were thinking of running away to have a weekend Alone, I thought it would only be fair to warn you who might show up when you get there.  And that is the grace of God.  That even when we plan a weekend Alone, we are never left there alone.  

Runaway Momma

I am running away in just a few minutes.  My Mother's Day gift was 36 hours to run away and today's the day.  Thirty six hours to think, to pick my own restaurants, and to pray about some important opportunities that have been presented to me.  I have not gone away alone in seven years - that's a long time.  I actually worked pretty hard to make sure that I didn't get to run away alone.  I invited several east coast friends to come and meet me.  I let myself get completely overwhelmed with work to the point of nearly cancelling about 12 times a day for the last week.  I have tried to let the fact that our house is STILL not unpacked be a very good reason to stay home.  At every complaint and concern Pete has said, "GO!" He even took a day off to work on house tasks so I could check them off my list.  My friends have stepped in to say, "GO!"  Sweet friends are taking my girls today and tomorrow after school.  I appreciate them all kicking me out of my cozy nest.  I have a new book to listen to, a new book to read, an empty journal for some brainstorming and snacks that I will not have to share with anyone.  

I look forward to sharing my little adventure with you next week.

The Thorns of Mother's Day

There were many years I hated Mother's Day.  A strong statement for such a sweet little Hallmark day, but it's true.  For the five years that Pete and I were waiting for our miracle, I dreaded the day. The church we attended had the tradition of having all the mothers stand during the service and they would be brought a long stem rose.  I am sure in some pastoral meeting that seemed like a really sweet thing to do, in reality it was really a bad tradition.  While all the women over 25 seemed to be standing, I sat.  It was like an official announcement of my failure to produce a child.  An apparently simple task that seemingly every other woman in the church seemed to be able to complete (often for some).

When I started working in church ministry I suggested (loudly) that we not do such mindless traditions.  Moms know they are moms, they have been celebrated at home, let's not make a production out of pointing out all the women who are childless.  Let's instead be the church that bears the yoke of our Savior and cares about what He cared about...
         the brokenhearted,
                       the weary,
                               the lonely,
                                      the orphan.
As the Director of Preschool Ministries my heart is broken for a new reason this Mother's Day.  Our children whose mommas who are waiting for them in Heaven.  I'll be honest, this brokenness has rocked me this week.  You see in our church (and yours too) are sweet little faces with no momma here to celebrate. I can't imagine being four and trying to understand this holiday.  I can't imagine being the dad who drops off your child at Sunday School to find out they are making Mother's Day crafts.  This pain has to be a thousand fold what I felt sitting empty handed in my church 10 years ago, and this is a pain the church is mindlessly inflicting.

Now I am not saying we shouldn't honor and celebrate our moms this Mother's Day.  By all means bring on the flowers and gifts Pete.  What I am saying is as a church this weekend let us be a balm for the brokenhearted.  Let us give rest to the weary.  Let us include the lonely in our celebrations and let us love lavishly the orphans.  It will be through the intentionality of our love, not the mindlessness of our traditions that the hope of Christ can be seen by those who most need Him this Sunday.